so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
