This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
