sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
