How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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