I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
