the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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