8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize