is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
