i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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