Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Who died my cat blue again?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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