3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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