I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So many bounce houses so little time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
