What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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