I bet he comes in French.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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