im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
