I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
