your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
