then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
