that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
