When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
