2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize