You're earring is so big in my mouth
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
