if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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