Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
