There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
