9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
