Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
