be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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