I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
