wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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