I'm gonna have a badass scar
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
