I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
