More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
