Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
