I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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