I need help removing her.
Soap is not a condiment
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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