i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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