I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
