So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
