I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
