What did we do last night that was yellow?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
