u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize