Plan B is the new Plan A
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize