Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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