Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I skipped work to stalk him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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