he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
sex in a hospital.. check
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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