the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
