dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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