We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
