I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
