An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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