you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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