I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
