I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
