It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Welp...herpes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
