take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
