I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found your dick twin last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
