Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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