We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
