So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
