I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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