dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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