her facebook's as public as her vagina
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hippo gnu deer
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
