You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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