I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
