So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
