You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
