I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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