Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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