Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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